16:09// In shower “When Doves Cry” was on my mind. Laundry clean, I have on comfy pajamas. The floor feels nice beneath my feet, but then the traumatic moment flashes to mind, the agent of the fascist state, unconstitutionally watching me strip (he used my fear) in our bedroom, it having occurred at that spot, just by the shoe rack and before the closet. How does one get over such abuse, without meeting as a human being and making peace with the other?
(It was followed by the vitriolic hate spewed by your female friend at the bar when I was still in shock, reading “Forgiveness” as she assured you with her yelling voice of her full and unquestionable knowledge of “people like [me]”. Such belief in the absolute evilness of the other is the seed-germ of all hatred and violence, dear brother.)
I am sorry for my rude texts and freaking out over work in the city, but I really never would have so actively worked to hurt you or derail your life as you have used the state and your refusal to treat me as a human being to damage mine. Surely you too see the dialectical nature of the horrorshow we created.
I am sorry. I forgive you. Love, peace, and friendship can overcome resentment and endless rancor. I love you, as a brother and as a friend if nothing more. I believe I understand you, rather well, in many ways. It is far from simple, but the good is worth the fight for peace. Be well. x^3
17:05// A storm is rolling into town. It is quite beautiful. I look towards the green canopy, sky turning grey, wind blowing leafs away, behind the two poinsettias, the tall one (yes, representing you) leaning over the shorter one (yes, representing me), looking as if it is looking down towards the other with a caring gaze — a blue flash of lightning reflected against the bars of this gilt prison, followed, momentarily, by the roar of thunder. I love you, truly, madly, sweetly, I love you.