Frank Sinatra - “They Can’t Take That Away From Me”
13:26// I will always forgive your viciousness, because I have known you as a human being. Hate is not the answer.
14:04// I took the photo of us smiling at the beach, which I had framed after returning home from ‘spring break’ and walking about Brooklyn in the rain, placed it in the freezer bag without looking at it. I moved a pile of clothing from the top of the closet, just enough to locate the photo of us smiling beneath the tree on the plantation that snowy day, the one that was on your fridge, catching the faintest glimpse of your smile before removing the photo from the corkboard and placing it face towards the photo of us at the beach. Keep up the great work writing. I am always on your side, even when you are not on mine. I am sorry and I forgive.
14:10// I remove two of your shirts, a pair of ankle socks, basketball shorts, and a Zabar’s catalogue from your dresser, where they have remained untouched since the day you left saying you loved me. I am sorry I lost myself in the tempest. I was blind. I am so proud of you, even if we never meet again one day, brother.
14:48// Going through old drawings and projects, remembering that I really am talented, regardless of whether he or anyone else believes in me.
14:54// He warned me on January 1, 2012 not to ‘take it out of the bedroom’, in all likelihood shared a photo of me giving him head with the DA last month. I still am not sure at what point this story moves from being a tragedy to an absurdist comedy. It will make for a great read one day, anyway.
15:27// You were too resentful and hard to keep happy, but I tried my best Samuel. Overall, I was obedient and sweet as hell to you, because I loved you, as I shall always love you. You never needed to become such a monster. Hatred and emotional abuse have never been proper solutions. Please learn from this and act differently towards the next guy. Your hatred will consume you in time if you let it. I deserved to be treated as a human being. Engagement as a human would have avoided texts I never knew you received. You became as a ghost to me. However differently you see things, I will always try my best to understand, will always believe in your best, will always forgive, will always love you with my entire being, no matter what. I screwed up last year, but you are guilty too. I am sorry. I love you, for the complicated beast you are.
16:42// I listen to Hillary Clinton speak to Charlie Rose about Bill. I think of what our relationship was at its best. We are better than this mess of our making Samuel. I will always believe in you and have your back. I love you.
17:02// If you had merely been kind and not insisted on behaving with such rancor and emotional abuse, you would not have had the texts to complain about and I would not have suffered as greatly as I have. You first brought the police into our bedroom last year instead of merely asking me to stop. You brought them back this year, causing me to regress into a depressive state once again. We were together for a year and a half. If you had only said goodbye face-to-face, if you had only treated me as a human being, none of this nonsense would have happened. You are guilty Sam. I love you, but you have been incredibly cruel in your silence and passive aggressiveness.